Many women find that breast cancer diagnosis and treatment seriously
disrupt their sexual lives. First there are the most obvious issues—the
physical changes, exhaustion, nausea and pain from treatment,
self-image, empty energy reserves, and the emotional chaos from the
diagnosis itself. But there are also many other issues that women and
their partners may not even know they'll have to face.
Yet retaining intimacy in your relationship both during and after your breast cancer ordeal is critical to your overall recovery. And single women who want to become part of a relationship worry how breast cancer will affect their prospects, about how and when to tell those prospective lovers about their condition.
Flawed marriages don't have to come apart, with or without breast cancer. Divorce rates are not higher among couples in which a woman has had breast cancer. Sometimes the shock of a cancer diagnosis pushes partners in a troubled relationship to consider the source of their problem and seek counseling.
Or YOU may be the one who responds unpredictably. One very independent woman became overwhelmed, uncertain, and very dependent when her breast cancer was diagnosed. This new "frailty" devastated her, and her marriage went through a rough spell till she finally returned to something of her old self.
Ginny could not understand her husband's silence. "What's the matter with you? Why don't you talk to me about what's happening? I have CANCER! I could die! Say SOMETHING!" Ginny felt as though she was yelling at a stone wall.
Breast cancer has become so common that most men have someone close in their life who has suffered the disease. There's no way to predict how any man will respond, but there is no doubt that many men are supportive and prepared to continue the relationship.
Women may find it easier to talk to one another, and lesbian partners may be particularly sensitive and supportive. It is also true, however, that a woman may feel especially vulnerable and personally threatened if her partner has breast cancer, knowing this disease is one that can affect her as well.
Yet retaining intimacy in your relationship both during and after your breast cancer ordeal is critical to your overall recovery. And single women who want to become part of a relationship worry how breast cancer will affect their prospects, about how and when to tell those prospective lovers about their condition.
Personal Quote
Vicky Cosgrove was married nearly 20 years and had four children, ages 6 to 17, when she was diagnosed with breast cancer in February 2000. Yet after a year in which she had a bilateral mastectomy and reconstruction, chemotherapy and radiation, and began taking tamoxifen, she says her intimate life with her husband has never been better. "Maybe it has something to do with feeling that we shouldn't waste our time, maybe it's that I feel he's even more in tune with my needs," she says. "But he's just become a much more giving person."Flawed marriages don't have to come apart, with or without breast cancer. Divorce rates are not higher among couples in which a woman has had breast cancer. Sometimes the shock of a cancer diagnosis pushes partners in a troubled relationship to consider the source of their problem and seek counseling.
Or YOU may be the one who responds unpredictably. One very independent woman became overwhelmed, uncertain, and very dependent when her breast cancer was diagnosed. This new "frailty" devastated her, and her marriage went through a rough spell till she finally returned to something of her old self.
Talking, telling, supporting each other
It would be nice to have a partner who understands and helps you feel better as you work to get back your old confidence, but that may just be unrealistic. He or she is probably suffering, too, and may be less able to express that suffering than you are. So each of you have all this emotion buried somewhere inside.Ginny could not understand her husband's silence. "What's the matter with you? Why don't you talk to me about what's happening? I have CANCER! I could die! Say SOMETHING!" Ginny felt as though she was yelling at a stone wall.
Breast cancer has become so common that most men have someone close in their life who has suffered the disease. There's no way to predict how any man will respond, but there is no doubt that many men are supportive and prepared to continue the relationship.
Women may find it easier to talk to one another, and lesbian partners may be particularly sensitive and supportive. It is also true, however, that a woman may feel especially vulnerable and personally threatened if her partner has breast cancer, knowing this disease is one that can affect her as well.
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