The simple fact is this: people do still die from breast cancer.
Despite the upswing in survival rates and improvements in detection and
treatment, this disease is still a killer. We still need a cure - for
all the different variations in breast cancer - and we still need
effective prevention. Meanwhile, men and women are still being diagnosed
with cancerous breast lumps and enduring surgery, radiation, chemo, and
years of hormone therapy in hopes that their cancer will be beaten and
will not return. But you may know someone who has had a recurrence, and
you may remember someone who didn't survive.
Back around Christmas, I wrote about a friend who had a recurrence at four years past diagnosis. Her cancer had gone to Stage 4 and she knew that her time was limited, because it had targeted her liver. Treatment was offered, and she turned it down. She chose to spend her remaining time feeling relatively well - instead sick from chemo - and to use the time to see friends and family while making good memories. That was a brave decision and very characteristic of Adell.
She had a broad base of support from family, friends, and community. Taking charge of her situation, she made it clear that she wanted Home Hospice.Her husband had made the same choice and that worked well for them. Her family was very sad but also supportive. They got organized and started staying with her in shifts, so that she always had someone around the house. As the disease progressed and she became weaker, her supporters made a simple request. They needed lunches for four every weekday, to sustain Adell and her at-home supporters. This would also give them a little respite from caregiving, a little time to talk with people that were supportive of them as well as Adell. As time passed, this combination of food and respite became more and more important.
We had set up a community on Lotsa Helping Hands. The calendar allowed us to request and sign up for days when lunches were needed, as well as see what other support was wanted. We could swap news and photos and support Adell and her caregivers. At first, people regularly signed up to support for Adell and her family. It worked well and the LHH site facilitated communication. But in Adell's last three weeks, support tapered off. Fewer people offered to help. Caregivers and family members were still constantly on the job, and didn't want to leave the house any more than necessary. Word got out that Adell didn't have long to live, and that she sometimes didn't eat or that she slept all day. That is normal for people who are doing the work of dying. They are using their energy as best as they can, preparing in body and spirit to resolve their life on Earth.
Now I'm going to speak very personally and frankly. When a person you care about is approaching the end of their life, do not - DO NOT - fade away, only to show up again for the funeral. That person and their family still needs support daily as the process takes it course. A person who is dying can still hear and sense the world around them, and may be able to feel the emotional atmosphere in their world. Their caregivers certainly still need connections with the world outside the situation, people who will listen, refrain from judgement, offer hugs, tissues, and yes - lunches! So here's my bottom line on this: Stick with the person and their family - To The End. Think about what support you hope to have when you enter into your last days, and offer others the best quality of comfort and support that you can give. Don't pull back, especially as news from the bedside gets more final. Real friends don't let friends die lonely. They love tough and they love true.
Back around Christmas, I wrote about a friend who had a recurrence at four years past diagnosis. Her cancer had gone to Stage 4 and she knew that her time was limited, because it had targeted her liver. Treatment was offered, and she turned it down. She chose to spend her remaining time feeling relatively well - instead sick from chemo - and to use the time to see friends and family while making good memories. That was a brave decision and very characteristic of Adell.
She had a broad base of support from family, friends, and community. Taking charge of her situation, she made it clear that she wanted Home Hospice.Her husband had made the same choice and that worked well for them. Her family was very sad but also supportive. They got organized and started staying with her in shifts, so that she always had someone around the house. As the disease progressed and she became weaker, her supporters made a simple request. They needed lunches for four every weekday, to sustain Adell and her at-home supporters. This would also give them a little respite from caregiving, a little time to talk with people that were supportive of them as well as Adell. As time passed, this combination of food and respite became more and more important.
We had set up a community on Lotsa Helping Hands. The calendar allowed us to request and sign up for days when lunches were needed, as well as see what other support was wanted. We could swap news and photos and support Adell and her caregivers. At first, people regularly signed up to support for Adell and her family. It worked well and the LHH site facilitated communication. But in Adell's last three weeks, support tapered off. Fewer people offered to help. Caregivers and family members were still constantly on the job, and didn't want to leave the house any more than necessary. Word got out that Adell didn't have long to live, and that she sometimes didn't eat or that she slept all day. That is normal for people who are doing the work of dying. They are using their energy as best as they can, preparing in body and spirit to resolve their life on Earth.
Now I'm going to speak very personally and frankly. When a person you care about is approaching the end of their life, do not - DO NOT - fade away, only to show up again for the funeral. That person and their family still needs support daily as the process takes it course. A person who is dying can still hear and sense the world around them, and may be able to feel the emotional atmosphere in their world. Their caregivers certainly still need connections with the world outside the situation, people who will listen, refrain from judgement, offer hugs, tissues, and yes - lunches! So here's my bottom line on this: Stick with the person and their family - To The End. Think about what support you hope to have when you enter into your last days, and offer others the best quality of comfort and support that you can give. Don't pull back, especially as news from the bedside gets more final. Real friends don't let friends die lonely. They love tough and they love true.
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